The chicken
A few notable characters were once asked the age-old question: “Why did the chicken cross the road?” Here are their answers.
John F. Kennedy:
“All of us who have crossed the roads of our lives understand the dangers of destination and the formidable burdens of flightless fowl. So let every chicken know, whether it crosses slowly or quickly, that this administration supports the struggles of chickens everywhere, and we will not be content until every hen is the master of its own house. We all have roads before us, and so each of us, in our own way, is really chicken.”
Lyndon Baines Johnson:
“Ah have known many chickens in mah time. Some as friends, some as opponents, still others as dinner. Many chickens in our great society have tried to cross the road. Some have been successful. Others have been struck down by beer trucks in the prime of pullethood. Therefore I, as your president, ask the American people to rededicate themselves tonight to the struggles of chickens everywhere. They have begun their humble journeys across the road. Let them continyah.”
Pat Buchanan:
“We know why the chicken crossed the road, my friends. Oh, yes we do. It crossed the road for the same reason they ALL cross the road: to come to our country, and eat our dried corn, and peck in our barnyard, and send their little chicks, mostly born out of wedlock, to our schools. But the American people are tired of those chickens, and the peasants have picked up their pitchforks. Our message to those chickens is simple, my friends: ‘Welcome to the barbecue.’”
Ross Perot:
“All right, so say you’ve got this chicken. He’s at Point A on this chart here, and he’s next to some road, which is this line that bisects the chart from top to bottom. But the chicken doesn’t want to stay at Point A, no sir. That’s stagnant. That’s the kind of thinking we’ve had too long in this country. That chicken wants to CROSS that road, to go over here to Point B. Maybe he wants to open up a business or something, it doesn’t really matter why. But the point is, he’s got to cross that road. No way around it. He doesn’t need a government handout. He just needs somebody to stop the darn traffic for a couple of minutes so he can GET across. Are you followin’ me so far?”
And a frustrated poultry farm manager:
“Deregulation of the chicken’s side of the road was threatening its dominant market position. The chicken was faced with significant challenges to create and develop the competencies required for the newly competitive market. The rooster, in a partnering relationship with the client, helped the chicken by rethinking its physical distribution strategy and implementation processes. Using the Poultry Integration Model (PIM) the rooster helped the chicken use its skills, methodologies, knowledge capital and experiences to align the chicken’s people, processes and technology in support of its overall strategy within a Program Management framework. The rooster convened a diverse cross-spectrum of road analysts and best chickens along with deep skills in the transportation industry to engage in a two-day itinerary of meetings in order to leverage their personal knowledge capital, both tacit and explicit, and to enable them to synergize with each other in order to achieve the implicit goals of delivering and successfully architecting and implementing an enterprise-wide value framework across the continuum of poultry cross-median processes. The meeting was held in a park like setting enabling and creating an impactful environment which was strategically based, industry-focused, and built upon a consistent, clear, and unified market message and aligned with the chicken’s mission, vision and core values. This was conducive towards the creation of a set of road rules, thus empowering the chicken to look right and left, then right again, and cross the road with safety.”
