Off to Cairns

My wife (the Leader of the Opposition) and I are off to Cairns for a week’s holiday tomorrow, Tuesday June 16. We were able to grab two cheap flights with Jetstar for around $170 each return, too good to miss. Hotel accomodation is also cheap thanks to the so-called swine flu, with some hotels just about giving rooms away.

This swine flu caper is a huge beat-up by the drug companies and the media, who were only too happy to sensationalise the whole fiasco. Every year we get a new strain of flu that kills far more people than anyone reported with  this swine flu outbreak. In fact, the authorities are very quiet about releasing any figures on the “normal” flu strain this time around.

Nevertheless, I suppose if a man lets out a small sneeze or a muffled cough at the airport in the morning he’ll be as welcome as a fart in a lift. If I were a devious man I could use this ploy to my advantage. If the check-in queue is too long, for instance, I could simply sneeze my way up towards the front while scattering frightened passengers in my wake.

Of course, the people with masks looking like doctors in an operating theatre would be a harder proposition. I can’t see them moving aside at all unless I hang a sign around my neck saying that I have the Black Death.

But once on board and seated the problems will escalate. I can imagine passengers now ordering a toasted cheese sandwich with a muffled voice through their masks only to have the stewardess bring them a chocolate truffle.

All this nonsense reminds me of the joke about a farmer who applied for a loan at his local bank to start a piggery. The bank manager asked him if he’s had any experience with swine. The farmer replied, “Only here at the bank!”